The Ballad of Gay Tony

The Ballad of Gay Tony is the last thing released for the Grand Theft Auto IV DLC. You take control of Luis Lopez, business party and bodyguard to Gay Tony, a club owner with a drug problem.

It starts off during the bank robbery that Niko Bellic is involved with in the main game. However you take control of one of the hostages during their crime. But Luis gets away safely, unlike some of the other people involved. And then you call your boss Gay Tony, who's just explained that he's borrowed money from the mob to pay for his increasingly expensive drug-addled lifestyle, and being the good friend you are, you run all over town doing missions for varying-leveled people of the criminal underworld, just like every other game in this series.

It's a fun little game though, slightly longer than the Lost and the Damned, levels capping about 25 or so. There's more side quests to do, this time you can go parachuting off of buildings or from helicopters at various points throughout Liberty City, which is fun one time, then I never wanted to do it again. The other thing is you can go on Drug Wars, which is with two childhood friends who now sell drugs and kill people. Just like you!

Something they added, which I thought was a good idea, were continue points. It's great when you die doing a mission and when you continue from your phone you start right before the point you died at. Yup, that's pretty super-duper...

Overall: C-, Okay, really this one is well made and everything, but something about it feels kind of phoned in. Like one of the folks at Rockstar suddenly realized that they had a couple of loose ends to clear up at the end of GTA 4 and decided to make another expansion. It's nothing special and I think I had more fun using a motorcycle gang, waaaaaay more fun actually. I mean, this story was interesting, had its moments anyway, and some of the new guns were pretty cool. But, at the end of the day, it's really just the same old shit.

Grand Theft Auto 4: The Lost and the Damned

I've been playing GTA 5 Online pretty much since it came out. If anyone wants to join my crew, here's the link: http://socialclub.rockstargames.com/crew/serial_killerkillers

The Lost and the Damned is the first of two downloadable side stories to add to the overall experience of Grand Theft Auto 4. In it, you play as Johnny Klebitz, vice-president of The Lost, a notorious biker gang.

At the beginning of the story, The Lost's president, Billy, is released from prison, he insults you, kills rival gang members, insults you, drinks at the biker's bar and hideout, insults you, has sex with your girlfriend, and then, oh yeah, he insults you some more. I don't know, the amount of times Billy makes fun of Johnny and basically makes him out to be a loser piece of shit, it just kept making me think "Aren't I vice-president? Why is he treating me like some kind of new recruit?" And this keeps happening right down to when (spoiler alert) Billy gets arrested again for stealing drugs from rival gang members and being an overall miserable asshole. Then you become president, which makes sense to me, you've basically done all the work for everyone since day one. Hell, do you even need the rest of your gang?

Actually, your gang can be pretty handy. On every job except the first few you can call up your pals Tracy and Clay to help you out, and considering how many of the main missions in this game are based around just killing a whole bunch of dudes, coming into them with three people is waaaaay better than going in it alone. I recommend doing it right after every single mission briefing that doesn't already have your gang following you.

With Niko in the main storyline, I would almost always avoid stealing a motorcycle like they were infected because he would basically go flying off of them, barreling end over end through the air with even the slightest bump into the smallest child. It's much better with Johnny, you only go flying with head on collisions, and he's much better at driving the motorcycle as well. But, he's terrible at driving cars and seems to have Niko's disease of flying end over end whenever he gets in them.

I have one final complaint, and that's the number of missions. Niko had over 90 missions to plow through, here there's just over 20, what's up with that? I guess there's gang wars and races added, but it just seems like there could have been so much more.

Overall: C+, it's alright, not enough missions to make it really substantial and compared to everything Rockstar's ever done, this doesn't really stand out as a great achievement or anything. Good, passable anyway, but nothing special.

Grand Theft Auto IV

Wow, I have not been on here in a minute. I want you all to know that I have been beating games and I could probably review one game a day for the next week.

Hmm, maybe I will...

Anyway, GTA 4, Grand Theft Auto has come from a long line of great games. Rockstar is one of my favorite game companies. Ever since I played Grand Theft Auto 3, I knew this company would come far.


The story of GTA 4 is this: Niko Bellic, badass psychopath from Eastern Europe (his accent is similar to Russian) after hearing from his cousin Roman how great America is, decides to catch a ride on a big ol' freighter and come over to Liberty City, which has nothing to do with New York City at all. Nope, definitely not New York City. I don't know, I guess I never really saw the point in pretending to be a nonexistant city when everyone knows that Gotham City is really New York anyway, so why hide it.

Anyway, once Niko comes over to America, he finds out that the American Dream really only looks good on TV and in reality it's just a bunch of blind consumerism, so it's on to doing jobs for crazy assholes like you do in every single GTA game. Also, killing random people on the street of course.

GTA 4 has its problems. The driving is really klunky, I think they were trying to make it more realistic or something, but really it's just more a pain in my ass. Basically, if you've ever played any GTA before this one, you're going to have to retrain yourself how to drive in these games. Also, look up how people do quick turns with the hand brake in real life, then do it over and over again in this game until you've got it down. It will make things a lot easier.

Before I move on, one last thing about the driving. Niko is flat-out terrible at it! Unlike San Adreas where you can level up all your stats, Niko's driving ability never changes. So every time you get up to speed in any vehicle it's like you've just become the worst driver in the world. Every slight turn you make could suddenly send your car careening out of control, oh and here's something I'm not sure why they added, every time Niko hits something even slightly, he goes flying through the windshield of his car. Just to remind us that in the GTA universe, they never invented seat belts.

Other than the driving though, this is actually a pretty great game. You can make friends and then take them out to the theater or bowling or whatever. You do jobs for crazy people all over Liberty City which is now  twice the size of San Andreas which was supposed to be a state if you all remember. I suppose I was a little disappointed that many of the missions are just there for the sake of it. After the first section of the game, it's not so much a story anymore (except for the occasional mission for Roman here and there) as it is just more criminal activity. Niko isn't really a human being as he is a dog, just going out and fetching or killing whatever anyone wants him to, just so long as he gets paid. No morals what-so-ever.

Overall: B-, the last mission in this game is just about the most frustrating thing ever, the story sucks sometimes and the driving blows, but other than that I had a really fun time playing through this game, and just like every GTA, it has enough side stuff to do that it practically guarantees for hundreds of hours of gameplay.

Assassin's Creed

Assassin's Creed is the first in a fairly long series. One that they'll probably keep making the next sequel to until everyone involved is dead. But I digress, the first Assassin's Creed game was produced by Ubisoft and released in 2007. In it, you play as Altair, master assassin from the Middle Ages. Oh wait, actually, you play as Desmond Miles, loser bartender who was kidnapped by some pharmaceutical company and forced to relive your ancestor's memories.

Confused? Yeah, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Essentially, you have been kidnapped so that this company "Abstergo" can find an object that they've basically misplaced. So they have to kidnap people who are distantly related to assassin's from the Middle Ages because they might know where to find them. The reason for this is that Abstergo has these machines called Animus's in that allows for the access of genetic memories which can be found in anyone's DNA in the world.

I'd argue that's not how genetic memory works, but that would destroy the plot of EVERY SINGLE GAME IN THE SERIES, so I'll just pretend that's how genetic memory works and move on with my life. And I am still having PTSD flashbacks from that time my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather fought in the Hundred Years War back in the thirteenth century.

I can forgive this game for being reliant on a plot that doesn't make sense, after all, it's a video-game, and it's not like most of them make sense anyway. One this I can't forgive this game for, however, is the massive amount of unskippable cutscenes, most of which are boring as all hell. Lasting a good fifteen minutes every time you want to start the next assassin mission, and it's just them talking and talking, if they had hired better voice actors, I might not care as much. But it's just really shitty when you just want to kill people and your being held up by the guy at the assassin's guild talking at you about how much you fucked up at the beginning of the game, when all you want in is that stupid feather so you can go kill some fat merchant and take his piece of Eden back to your boss so he can kill you with it. It's just rediculous, and unskippable cutscenes are the pits.

When this game first came out, it was pretty awesome. A small country to explore, with three major cities which are all really conveniently close to each other. Who knew that Jerusalem was just a short horse-ride away from Dalmascus?

Sneaking around in this game is pretty fun. The one complaint I have is the same complaint everyone had when they played GTA3 ten years before this game came out! That it's really stupid when the cops/guards don't care about anyone except you. I mean, why is it that when I run past a guard they're immediately like "there goes an assassin!" I mean, does no one else run ever? Or are guards just always on the lookout for a

man matching my description? You know, white cloak, can't see his face because of a hood, covered in sharp weaponry. I don't know, I just wish it was a little bit hard to get spotted.

Overall: B-, good but not great. Unless your such a fan of this series you have to get this one, or you've played any of the other ones and want to see how it all started, I'd probably avoid this one. I mean, it's fun and all, but when compared to later ones in the series, this one just isn't as good. Hardcore parquor is awesome though, which is present in every game of the series, but gets its start here.

Fallout 3: Operation Anchorage

I have this problem with beating games. Mostly I'm like always playing six things at a time and often things will get put to the sidelines never to be picked up again. Anyway, here's my review of Operation Anchorage:

Something I really like about games like Fallout 3 is that they are incredibly open ended. Unlike Japanese RPGs there's rarely a time in them when you get stuck looking for the exact one thing that you need to do in order to get to the next thing. Here, you can almost always just think of something else. Sneaking not work? How about trying a more action oriented approach. That not working? Try hacking the computer nearby and reprogram that annoying turret to kill its own guys. Not good at hacking? How about we say screw this mission and kill everyone involved and never look back.

What I don't like about Operation Anchorage is that it doesn't have this formula. Not even a little bit, you can't just back out of it. You go to help these group of ex-Brotherhood of Steal refugees calling themselves the Outcasts. All they want to do is open a safe filled with a cache of weapons, but in order to do that they have to go into a virtual reality training program and only someone with a PipBoy can do it.

The problem is, once you decide to do this mission and start it, there's no backing out. You get into the training program and you just have to keep plowing through it until you beat it.

It's completely linear, and just as completely combat oriented. I was only level 8 when I entered and I was playing someone who was more geared towards stealth than combat. It really annoyed me, after the first part which is stealthy, you get a silenced pistol (awesome), but after that your "commanding officer" takes away you stuff and lets you pick a small group of weapons. My explosives skill wasn't bad, the highest of my combat skills, so I took a rocket launcher and 10mm submachine gun. They didn't have any stealth weapons, and everything after that was basically running along a clear-cut path to the eventual end. Unlike the Pitt, which I'll probably review later on, which was another little world to explore and find interesting people, places and things, this felt more like a Call of Duty game where you're just running along a linear path, following orders from someone you have no emotional attachment to (though, since I'm playing through with an evil cannibal, I don't make any emotional attachments), to complete a mission you couldn't care less about.

Oh, I forgot about the snipers. Fuck those fucking snipers. They're invisible, incredibly hard to hit, always far away from you cause their fucking snipers. To the right here is a picture of them. I couldn't find any gameplay pictures, probably because their almost always invisible. Oh, and you don't take any of your items with you into the game, so if you get injured the only way to heal is by going to little health machines to heal you.

Overall: D, sorry. I feel bad for giving it this grade. Partly because I'm such a fan of the series. But that's also the very reason I gave it that grade. It feels like something out of an alternate dimension or something. Like it's very makeup doesn't belong in the Fallout Universe and kind of just leaked into it from some other game universe. Doom, maybe?

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas: Los Santos

Howdy everyone, I'm really busy all the time. Just thought I should mention that. Because of this I almost never beat video games. That's why I started this blog. Also, I have this problem wherein I'll sit, play a game, but after awhile I'll slowly get a little bored with it and start playing something else. And that's why almost every game I've beaten so far has been a short one.

So I've decided to try something new, just for this game anyway. This is a game that's incredibly epic and kind of feels like they break it up into different sections anyway.

So, the first section of Rockstar's excellent game, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. This is where the main character Carl Johnson, or CJ for short comes back home to Los Santos, he had moved away years ago after his older brother died. His other older brother, Sweet, welcomes him home, and explains that since he's left, Grove Street Families, the gang you and your family is in, has lost influence and someone driving a green Sabre had driven by and killed CJ's mom.

So, it's onward to bring back the Families. Missions are fairly easy. This area encompasses the first 25 missions or so. But, after a few, you'll unlock Big Smoke's missions, which I think is funny because then you have a mission marker that says BS and, truthfully, most of his missions are pretty much BS, at least they let you level up the motorcycle skill.

Oh, that's something I should mention, this game has a great feature of character customization. You can make yourself really fat if you want, or very muscular, change all your clothes, get a haircut, tattoos. Which will also help you to evade the police, as something as simple as changing your hat will get rid of any amount of stars.

There are some problems with this section of the game though. One is that it takes over half the missions before you unlock Ammunation and can by weaponry, of course, this also unlocks gang wars, which is definitely the best part of this section of the game (which they then take away from you when your exiled from the city). Basically, you go to an uncontrolled section, kill some gang members and start a gang war. Then, if you win, you take that section of the city over and get more money for it.

Oh, and if you wanted money, this is pretty much the only way to get it. Missions in this section of the game almost always just give you Respect, which is just how much your other gang members like you. If it's greater you get to recruit more gang members to follow you around and help you create havoc. But I don't know why you would ever have more than three more guys since that's how many people you can fit in a four door car.

The last thing I'm going to mention is that some of the missions in this section of the game introduce things that are never used ever again. The most obvious example of this is Ryder's Break-In missions. Here you get a big van, break into someones house, have to play "Don't Wake Daddy," as you sneak around quietly and grab big boxes of guns and ammo to sneak out with and put in your van (Ryder, of course, doesn't help you with this at all). Anyway, at the end of this mission it explains that if you find another big ass van like this one, you can break into more houses and take their shit. But, what it doesn't mention, is that YOU NEVER SEE ONE OF THESE VANS AGAIN!

Overall: B, this is just for this section, as I beat more of it I'll put in what I think of those sections too. I do like this section a lot, but there's too many problems with it, no money, dumb missions, but the gang wars more than make for that. Also, when this section ends, it almost feels like the ending of the first season of a TV show, fade out of Los Santos, but tune in for the next season. I know I'm excited.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Batman: Arkham Asylum was a great game when it came out. But I'm looking through a lens on a scope with "hindsight is 20/20" written down the side. Not to say I'm going to say it sucks now, and really, has a whole lot changed for video games since 2009? Probably not, but these are things I've thought about playing through this again, on hard, which I guess I didn't really notice before.

Well, the first thing I'll say is that if you're playing this game for the first time that you shouldn't play through on hard, start with normal, or, if you're not good at action games, easy.

Notice that picture up near the top, that's Batman with all the bosses in the game. The "bosses" however, suck ass. Here they are in order: Bane: actually, this one's not so bad, teaches you how to take down titans (tougher enemies you encounter later on), though that's mostly just dodging out of the way at the right time, and Bane was mostly about punching stuff anyway. Zsasz: hit him in the head with a Batarang (seriously, that's it). Harley Quinn: She stands in a box and sends guys at you while electrifying the floor at different times. Killer Croc: Avoid him by moving between fast and slow on some planks (lamest fight in the game, not  even an encounter, not fun in any way, why didn't they take this section out?) Poison Ivy: okay, this one's actually really good, she has powers to throw at you, it's really challenging (especially on hard) it almost feels like this should have been the end boss fight... Joker: Throws two titans at you, then, after a cutscene, takes titan formula himself, but when he's giant, all he does is throw more guys at you. LAME LAME ULTRA LAME! This is the final boss, and all it does is leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Other than the boss fights, I feel everything else is pretty good. The fighting is fluid and really fun (especially after you get the timing down). The sneaking around parts are good too, taking out thugs one by one as they search for you, using a whole array of gadgets to confuse and terrify. Makes it feel like the opposite of a survival horror game. Like you're the monster that everyone is trying to get away from or kill before it gets you. Also the scarecrow bits (not really a boss, more an element all his own) are really cool.

I suppose I should mention a couple of other things I had a problem with, the first thing is the extra, extra long opening cut-sequence, which is also entirely unskippable because you have to walk closely behind Joker and you can't pass him. I hate it when games do this, really takes down on the replayability, and really, I think every game should put us straight into the action, do we really need backstory before we start another game? Is that why we're playing? I don't think games really need a rich deep story to begin with, and when they do, it should be something that's incorporated into the gameplay, or side bits, like all those books you could read in The Elder Scrolls series, or everyone's quirks in State of Decay. Not really necessary to experience, but a nice touch. I mean, I'm a fan of good storytelling in videogames, but I also think that unskippable, long opening sequences is BAD storytelling.

One more thing that pissed me off, and that's the detective sequences. This would happen every once in a while where Batman needed to figure something out, like Commissioner Gordon gets kidnapped (again) and Batman needs to find him. So what do you do? You go into detective mode, find some object (in this case, Gordon's pipe), and then follow some trail that you can only see in detective mode to the next location. It's not fun or interesting, just tedious busywork.

Overall: B. It's a great game, don't get me wrong. But the shitty boss battles really bring it down. Challenge modes are cool, but the game could have more to it than that. The story is too linear, the ending is disappointing, it's too short. There's too many problems with it for me to give a higher grade.